{"id":1014,"date":"2019-11-04T05:59:20","date_gmt":"2019-11-04T05:59:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dev.beadaptify.com\/cartertreatment\/?p=1014"},"modified":"2025-11-03T10:00:42","modified_gmt":"2025-11-03T10:00:42","slug":"could-your-anger-be-the-only-thing-holding-you-back-from-a-life-without-drugs-or-alcohol-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dev.beadaptify.com\/cartertreatment\/blog\/could-your-anger-be-the-only-thing-holding-you-back-from-a-life-without-drugs-or-alcohol-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Could Your Anger Be the Only Thing Holding You Back From A Life Without Drugs Or Alcohol? Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"
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In the last article, we discussed how misused anger can be a dangerous relapse warning sign. Like a plane that flies below the radar, anger and resentment often go undetected in our lives. They have a way of weaving themselves into our personalities until we cannot recognize them for what they are. Rather than examining ourselves to see if anger is there, we often excuse it: \u201cI\u2019m just a tough-minded person because I\u2019ve had to be,\u201d or \u201cThis is how you must play the game in life; act nice to people in public, but do what you have to do to get what you want from them in private.\u201d For the addict or alcoholic, you cannot afford the \u201ctool\u201d of anger anymore, because it leads to unhappiness, nonacceptance of life circumstances, and often, relapse.<\/p>\n

So how do I manage my anger? You can always count to ten or take a deep breath. Unfortunately, that will not always resolve the issue. To reach a resolution, there are three ways to generally handle anger. Sometimes, a combination of them is also the answer:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Assertively ask for what you want<\/li>\n
  2. Forgive the offending party<\/li>\n
  3. Be realistic about the part that you played in the offense<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    As we discussed in the last article, we become angry for various reasons, such as a reaction to an injustice or to protect ourselves. Rather than respond in anger, a better way is to be assertive; ask for what you want. In this method, rather than getting even with the offending party, a rather childish response, instead, you take the adult approach. A handy tool is to follow the \u201cX-Y-Z\u201d method. Tell the offending person, \u201cWhen you did \u2018X,\u2019 in situation \u2018Y,\u2019 it made me feel \u2018Z.\u2019\u201d For example, \u201cWhen you did not finish your chores this week after we discussed this already, it made me feel frustrated.\u201d Here, you are expressing a fact\u2014what actually happened\u2014and a feeling\u2014how you feel about it. It is very brief and to the point. Notice you express your feeling verbally, but you should avoid acting out your emotion. Get yourself under control, as if you were at work, and present your complaint as a professional adult.<\/p>\n

    Avoid:<\/strong><\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Name-calling<\/li>\n
    2. Withdrawing<\/li>\n
    3. Escalating<\/li>\n
    4. Invalidating<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Their research revealed that these are the primary actions or attitudes that prevent true communication. Name-calling refers to even implying an insult toward the other person. Saying, \u201cWhenever you didn\u2019t complete your chores like a dummy, it made me feel annoyed.\u201d That contaminates the conversation. Second, withdrawing from the issue and never addressing it would be the opposite of being assertive and addressing your problem. Third, escalating is not helpful: \u201cAnd not only do you not do your chores, but you also have bad breath!\u201d Last, invalidation will not win over the other person: \u201cI\u2019m sure whatever your complaint is it is trivial compared to mine, so would you please start doing your chores?\u201d<\/p>\n

      A second approach to managing anger is to simply forgive the offending party. Like it or not, some people will not feel sorry for offending you, or perhaps feel you are too sensitive, and that an apology from them is not necessary. In those cases, forgiveness is a powerful tool, which can help you let go of your anger. True, sometimes it is a tough pill to swallow. But staying angry at someone else is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. In other words, you\u2019re the one left feeling unhappy, not them.<\/p>\n

      A third approach, which often helps with forgiveness, is recommended in the \u201cAlcoholics Anonymous\u201d book. Ask yourself, \u201cWhat part did I play in this offense?\u201d In other words, I might be angry with someone, but did I actually play a role, too? If so, it can help lessen the pain when considering how you were offended.<\/p>\n

      Managing anger is an important part of recovery. If you need support, reach out today.<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      In the last article, we discussed how misused anger can be a dangerous relapse warning sign. Like a plane that flies below the radar, anger and resentment often go undetected in our lives. They have a way of weaving themselves into our personalities until we cannot recognize them for what they are. Rather than examining […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1014","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"yoast_head":"\nCould Your Anger Be the Only Thing Holding You Back From A Life Without Drugs Or Alcohol? Part 2 - The Carter Treatment<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/dev.beadaptify.com\/cartertreatment\/blog\/could-your-anger-be-the-only-thing-holding-you-back-from-a-life-without-drugs-or-alcohol-part-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Could Your Anger Be the Only Thing Holding You Back From A Life Without Drugs Or Alcohol? Part 2 - The Carter Treatment\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In the last article, we discussed how misused anger can be a dangerous relapse warning sign. Like a plane that flies below the radar, anger and resentment often go undetected in our lives. They have a way of weaving themselves into our personalities until we cannot recognize them for what they are. 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